It so happens that many times we just wish to have some moment return that we may act differently and stack it in our memory box amongst good memories. 
Something to smile about when the mind is knotted with the complexities of the routine. 

Some people brush our lives.... like a whiff of an exotic fragrance and one wonders if it was okay to let it flow away.... 

Many instances I can recall. 

But I have not yet forgotten Daniel. 
Yes that was what was written on his OPD slip.  
11 years ago.... 
In hospital, he came for some consultation. 
We had lots of foreigners coming to us, a regular feature of a world famous tourist station. 

Daniel was from Ireland. 

I noticed some flow of energy while talking to him. His happiness showed in his smile. 
He was so happy to meet me he told. 

Then he asked if I could be free in the evening. I saw the request and hope in his deep eyes. 

But bound by the ethics "not to date with patients" I just pretended to act not interested. 

The look of utter disappointment in his pleading eyes made me sad.... 
He left the chamber with a heavy gait and didn't come back. 

Sitting in my chair dumbfounded I reasoned with myself. 

There would be unleashing of wagging tongues... 

You would hear the juiciest, spiciest gossip about yourself the things you "did", that one would really wonder if the world is crazy or you are the idiot in respecting its so called norms. 

Then the big question : Is there only one kind of friendship between a man and woman? 
Why can't it be a normal thing? 

Don't we miss out on some great friendships just because we thought it is not right to make friends with opposite sex? 

Why we have to keep on dragging the loathsome, meaningless so called friendships with the same sex? 

Can we rise above the dirty minds? 

Are we bold enough? 

We need to struggle to shed off this hypocrisy which seems to have become a second skin on every one. 

The curbing of happiness always creates negativity... 

And pure happiness and peace comes from honesty, genuineness and an open hearted approach to what opportunities lay in our way. 

Daniel made me think that.
I admire him for holding the mirror in front of my face and for bringing smiles.... 
Even to this day ! 

Serenity & Magnificence 

Beautiful Dhauladhar Range 

Winters & warm hearts

Winters. 

I am invariably transported to the years spent in hills, in the snugly lap of majestic Dhauladhar range of Himalayas. 

Mountains all silvery white, a divine glow in sunlight. 

Just mesmerizing . 

One is amazed at the beauty of nature and its grace. A treat for the eyes and soul. 

I remember the snow flakes falling from the sky and my car was covered with them and tiny flakes falling on me felt like tiny  cotton fragments. 

And how we had to walk carefully to avoid slipping on the road covered in icy sheet . 

The plants, trees and everything outside was covered in snow. 

Just beautiful ! 

In the hospital, we had electric heaters placed near our feet under the table. 

And the peon at the door of the OPD chamber had the "sigdi/angithi " (an iron 

structure shaped like a square pot balanced on four short legs. Coals used to burn in it) 

Time after time we used to heat our numb hands also by placing them near the heater. 

Every one used to be loaded with woolens.

But what surprised me was the "tolerance" of Lamas (Tibetan monks) towards the cold. 

Being in the city which was seat of Tibetan Government in Exile and His Holiness The Dalai Lama, it was a mixture of Tibetan and local pahari culture, mixed with foreigners. My every morning opd started with seeing Lamas and other Tibetan patients. Since language was the issue because majority of them didn't know how to explain in Hindi or English and I didn't know ABC of their own language, they always brought interpreter with them. Some times a single interpreter had   the heavy responsibility of showing so many different patients in different departments and there used to be frantic search for the interpreter when she /he was not available and patient was sitting right in front of me  :) 

That time the gestures came handy and of course my own clinical experience and knowledge. Both the parties (Doctor and Patients) used to smile at the absurdity of the situation  :) 

Many times patient came back having found the interpreter somewhere in the hospital and asked for the prescription to be repeated orally for better understanding. 

Lamas were definitely NOT loaded with woolens like us. Their sleeveless maroon robes were the standard garment. Sometimes they would just take a warm shawl over the robe. And woolen leggings sometimes. 

I found the older generation of Lamas more disciplined religiously and more tolerant towards the hardships of life and weather. 

A feeling of respect automatically exuded towards them. 

We also had females (Nuns). They were full of life with their tonsured hair and maroon robes and chirping in their language. I just loved to see them. 

I never saw a Lama with a sad look. They were always smiling no matter how unwell they were. 

Celebrating life? 

Cooking - Add a pinch of love in what you cook :)

Stuffed Tomatoes 

With Cheese gravy

Honing my

Culinary skills by trying different recipes. 
Cooking is a useful stress buster ! 

Religion is a personal belief

The world today needs a new religion. 

A dire need... 

A religion called Humanity. 

A good choice for even an atheist. 

Every other religion is a personal belief. 
Depends upon our birth, upbringing, and our personal choice. It gives us strength.
Most importantly it teaches us to be humble. 

But if we are unable to be strong and humble, is it because our religion is not good enough to teach us these values or are we bad students? 

I remember a recent comment by an acquaintance of mine . We were standing in the parking area after the day's work, just relaxing and the conversation turned to religious intolerance. 

"Religion is nothing but your own choice of your last rites. Whether you want to be cremated or buried, " he said. 

It made me think. He was right in a way. 

I wonder why people indulge in arguments over religion. 

I remember, having witnessed the heated arguments of two of my friends belonging to different religions, during hostel days. 
Those were the days of terrorism in Punjab. 
But such good friends fought like dogs, blaming and counter blaming each other and the deeds done by people of each other's religion. 
And sometimes the arguments were just a point away from physical assault ! 

I had the tough job of acting a peace maker, some sort of local unit of United Nations . 
Afterwards they were normal as if the argument never happened. 

But all the bad mouthing leaves an impression in the minds forever. 

Why not adopt the thing that is badly needed in today's world : Humanity 

Share a smile, a kind word, or gesture, in our day to day life. 
Even with your workers, employees, colleagues, security guard at the gate, the guy who gets you tea coffee.... 
It can be anyone. 

Let's make the air light. 
Let us get rid of this heavy air polluted with negativity. 

Healthy air is good for health afterall ! 

Many clever people mostly men have their own ways to lure women. 
Well age is no bar. 
Depends solely on the intentions. 
One encounters different situations and handles them in their own way. 
Many times the whole thing becomes a cat and mouse chase:) 

1989 :

A fine day.. 
Usual morning routine of patient check ups and rounds. 
As House Surgeons (Residents) in the Department of Medicine in the hospital, we had heavy responsibility. We were to take care of treatment of patients from 2nd to 6 th floor. The wards were divided, beds were also divided amongst different residents. 

That particular day there was some excitement about the patient in last room in private ward...  mother of a song writer in Bollywood. The old lady was in coma. So the son in his 50s had come to see her. I had heard his songs. Beautiful lyrics. 
I did my usual round before coming again with the senior colleague. After I came out of the room, the "bollywood man " followed me and started asking about his mother. 

I was respectful towards him because of his age and because I often got  to hear his songs on radio. 
After the medical queries, the talk became informal and turned to his profession. 
When I told him I also love singing, he said he would like to hear me sing few lines to him. 
Okay ! Wow ! I had a bollywood man as my audience ! :)) 
In my free time I invited him to our Duty Room. 
He sat in opposite chair and kept on looking at me. 
He liked my song. 
"Get a commercial shoot done", he said, "I would like to cast you as my heroine in a movie that I am planning to make. It is based on the struggle of a doctor." 

I knew it was not possible... 
Then he got up from the chair to go out. But instead he shook my hand and hugged me. But when you hug someone your lips don't try to brush the person's hair !
 (unless of course they are "directed" there) :) 

I moved away and told him I would think about the offer of movie. 
After that day I started avoiding him. Meanwhile his mother passed away. 
Now I wouldn't have to see him I thought. 
But he was like stubborn mule.... 

Once I was sitting with my female colleague in the duty room when he appeared in the door way. 
I was disturbed at his guts. 
But what I found amusing was the expression on my colleague's face. 
She was so annoyed and whispered me to tell "that man" that she is not interested. 
Not interested? In what? I was curious and had intuition what it was all about and felt like laughing. 
I went to the door and told him that my colleague was not interested in his offer of a movie. 
He had the gall ! He said, "No.  I came for you !" 
Now this time I told him he was wasting his time and more than that he was wasting our precious time. We know what he was after...... and so on.... 
He looked at the floor for some time, weighing his options and left quietly. 

We had a great laugh at the fantasies of a crazy old man. (Although 50s is not an old age group but at that time we thought so).  :) 

Bamboo trees

They were aplenty in the beautiful Kangra Valley. A memory of the years spent in hills. We even had bamboo pickle too! 

Sounded strange in the beginning but when

I actually saw it and tasted it was good. 

1980s....

Society had great influence on young men & women. 
Although it was decreasing with each passing decade.  

1980s were the time of opening up of society a bit.. 
Disco era, girls and boys started falling in love in more numbers. 
Although such acts were considered bold and surely love was in its "infancy". 
These days love is adult and lost its innocence of its childhood. 

In the college there were hardly any couples. Maybe one or two in each class. 
And they were so "famous" :) 
Because everyone knew about them. 

This was the India before the technology took over the emotions.. 
This was the time when the messages were exchanged through hand written letters. 
Or 
In girls hostel, send a Mess servant to the boys hostel... the message beautifully written and sealed (so the mess servant doesn't read it himself :)). 
Back then, girls didn't go out to meet their friends in the hostel. So mess servants acted as couriers. 
They were given instructions to get the reply too. 
Oh what a restless period of handing over the message to the "courier" and receiving the reply ! 
Waiting period was torture. 

So unlike these days of instant personal communication 24 ×7. 

No. Those were the times of endless waiting, imagination, silent mental talks (because you didn't have mobiles to talk at odd hours) 
There were real dates. 
If any boy came to meet his girlfriend in hostel, every one knew. That girl became "different" (not in bad sense). But curiosity still occupied other girls minds. 

There was a senior girl whose boyfriend came to meet her and sometimes he would turn up late when gates were locked and guard was there. So they would talk (like many others) through the closed iron gates. He outside and she inside. Looked as if he had come to meet the prisoner  :) 
And often he brought her things to eat. So once we were having our post dinner walk, and we witnessed it. He had brought a steel tiffin box, full of chicken dish and she is talking and eating the chicken simultaneously. And she was already overweight! 
We were quite amused at the sight. 
He was a dedicated serious visitor to the hostel but they couldn't take the marriage vows for some reason or other. 
Many couples just drifted apart after completing the degree and leaving the hostel. Some managed to get married. But some used the opportunity as time pass..... 

Back in 1980s..

Medical College

As usual while going to Physiology Lab, I am filled with uncomfortable feeling.
I detest the Physiology experiments so much !

I hate the way we are taught the working of a human body.
And the method of teaching is by doing experiments on poor frogs!
And that also on living "specimens" !

There is a feeling of revulsion inside. But have to bear it.
Innocent animals being killed alive and stripped off of their skin and then dissected....
Just to make us see how a muscle, nerve etc would react to a certain stimulus.
Every day it is happening and my heart goes out to these animals who can't protect themselves.
I feel very happy when an odd "specimen" slips from a student's hand and starts limping away, still alive, because the student didn't use proper force in hitting and stunning the animal.
The lab assistant scolds the "clumsy" student who is himself /herself scared.

I always requested my table mate to do this "honour"
Few times she got fed up and I had to handle the specimen myself ( With a heavy heart of course)

There was a lab assistant, a veteran of such experiments having spent most part of his life in this lab. He was the real boss around, with his personality, expertise and a sense of humor.

Once he was demonstrating the he stripping off of the skin of the animal. And he used his favorite line (to make the whole stuffy atmosphere light), " Now we will remove the Salwar (trousers) of the frog"  (he was referring to the legs part of the animal)

Dark humor of course. But it prompted a few nervous smiles from the students.
Then the moment he pulled the skin apart in one go, there was a loud thud in the group.
The girl standing beside me had fallen down due to shock.
Every one stepped aside and some helped her getting up. We thought she would leave the  class but she was a studious girl, didn't want to miss any lecture or class :)

I have wondered at the futility of animal experiments. Why can't they just demonstrate in a group?
What use is it to make silly graphs on the rotating cylinders?

The only thing that  I hated....
 after of course  the alien biochemistry formulas and energy cycles ! (another horrible thing :)) 

Gigolo - I am a normal man

He entered my office @ 2 years ago. 
Smart, well mannered, sporting a turban. 
He spoke in an impressive way. 
Not handsome but overall a pleasing personality. 
He had some private issue, discussed it, took the prescription, thanked me and left the office. 

After a month a man opens the door of my chamber, and flashes a bright smile. Courtesy demands that I reciprocate. 
I did. 
He asks, "Do you recognize me?" 
I couldn't recall. 
So he sits on the patient seat and says he understands why I couldn't remember him. 

Because on his first visit he was wearing a turban. Now he was in a clean shaven look. 

Now it is difficult to remember people when one is meeting so many new faces every day. At least I find it hard to recall. 

But something about the way he spoke, his manners, body language etc seemed to flash an image( of a similar encounter few days ago)  in my mind. 

I had recognized him. 
He had another private concern. 
Apparently on examination the instrument was okay. 
So I assured him. 
Told him not to worry too much and try to relax. 

Then he told. 
Opened up his innermost fear. 
He was a professional. 
A gigolo. 

It opened up the whole new world for me as he kept on talking and I listened..... 
He talked about all the training, exercise, medical check ups, diet and much more... 

He was a married man with two kids and ran an electronics shop. 
But to earn more money, he was in this profession. No his family didn't know about it. 
Then he told how careful their group is about privacy etc. 
I could check him out on net ! 
I declined the offer mentally. :) 

After he left with the assurance that he was fine, I sat glued to my chair for sometime.... 
I was thinking about his family, his own double life... 

Many of us lead double lives. 
Mentally, physically, emotionally even ! 
Exploring the greener pastures.... 
Or a little journey to the other planet(not literally :)) 

Human nature is complex.... 
Sometimes one is lost in one's own jigsaw puzzle. 

But never lose hope or forget to smile  :) 

  

1991 

Crazy days. 

DD ( Daredevil & Dreamer) 
Deadly combination :) 

These days a particular expression is in fashion : Growing intolerance in the country 

There are views, counterviews, allegations, mudslinging and verdicts (in expression) 

People are prone to respond to every cough and sneeze of any Tom Dick and Harry. 
It has become a favorite pass time. 
Every one is expert in "intolerance" issue
. 
Hypocrisy is the new status symbol. 

Some trouble mongers bark from a podium and unleash the mob...with poisonous verbal attacks. 

Such has become the state of the country.... 
Every one has become so sensitive, so defensive. 
Where is the sweet flexibility of mutual love and respect? 
We should not let it slip out of our hands. 

Why not talk about the intolerance at homes? Why not become sensitive to it? 

Two instances :

Newly married couple traveling in bus. 
Husband is suspicious of anything, every thing concerning his wife. He forever is looking for excuses to insult her, belittle her. All this to cover his own insecurities. 
So the bus is running on a busy city road. 
Wife is gazing out  through the window. 

H-" Hey listen!"  
W- "Yes?"  
H- "The man sitting two rows behind us is looking at you." 
W- "is it?"  (and again starts gazing outside, at the people, buildings, roadside vendors..) 
H- "He is still staring." 
W -  "Well, I can't see him. It doesn't matter." 
H- "It does matter ! 
( wife cranes her head to see who is "looking" at her as the husband points out the "culprit". Since it is some vague person two rows behind, she is unable to see the man) 
W -  "I don't see anyone staring at me." 
H- (in an angry tone) " This is your fault ! You were encouraging that man by your actions!" 
Poor wife doesn't know who is mad.... This eccentric man sitting beside her or she herself who tries to ignore his comments and keeps on pretending to stay married to him. 

Something to ponder upon... 

Another incident ( of living in dark ages) 

Mother-in-law (MIL), shouting at the unsuspecting daughter-in-law (DIL) :

"Hey ! You touched the pot of milk when you had your periods ! 
Now it has become impure! We can't give it to the baby. What will he drink now? 
Don't you have sense enough to be careful !"
DIL -  "it is not dirty blood ! This is a natural process of the body." 

Furious MIL -  "Don't try to teach me anything !bla bla bla... ."

Poor DIL is wondering what next is to come... 

Again, point to ponder.... 

Shouldn't we be intolerant towards the" atrocities "in our own homes? Or are we happy to be spineless hypocrites? 

Choice is ours...   

Sept 2015 —Lunch break during work ... Clicked by a beautiful soul, a unique friend. 

I have often, quite often wondered whosoever put this weird idea in men's head : हँसी तो फंसी
Means if a girl smiles at you that means she is hooked. 
So as women, we need to be careful with men. 
Many a times one lands into the trouble. 
Just because you smiled. 
You were talking to a boy/man, and you were smiling, giggling and next thing you encounter is the suggestive look or action from the 'hunk' ! 
Why? Why? 
If the nerve connections in his brain are distorted, is it my fault? 
How to know if the apparently friendly dude is not "cooking something spicy" in his mind, thinking you are ready to hop on the "wagon" any time? 
Shall I wear a constant fierce look or a sour expression? 
Shall I cease to treat him as a normal human being and just think of him as a predator ready to pounce upon me? 

Why can't two human beings talk to each other without preconceived notions? 
There is already so much misery in the world these days without our adding our own contribution to it. 

Where has decency gone? 

And another distortion of thoughts (in men) is the thinking that if a girl says No, it means Yes . 
My foot ! 
Do you think the girls are so dumb that they will utter the opposite of what they are thinking? 
Dumb is you, yourself who always views women in the stained mirror of your own dirty mind. For you, she is a thing to play with, as long as she is not your own wife and sister.. 

No I am not biased against men. 
In fact I have met and shared some precious time with  some wonderful men, who have been real gems and gave me so much happiness with their depth, wisdom and humanity. 

The goodness in each of us needs to be used for the better world... 
A kind gesture, a smile, wiping someone's tears, sharing somebody's pain.... 
It lightens the burden each of us carry within us..... 
I really wish this society to be something we all  should be proud of.. 

2009

when city roads were still peaceful...

2009 ..through my cellphone

Rewind..........

 Australia 2010

Sydney,Australia-2010

D-Hall 

One place where everyone feels scared of the lifeless bodies and parts lying on the tables. But this fear is of the failure. 
One feels like a dimwit... 
Professor is asking a question... Something to do about the route, supplies, or any other landmark, function etc. But no answer comes forth... Totally blank mind! Even if you know a fragment of the answer, the words don't take a proper form... One makes a best fool of oneself staring at the floor, getting scolded for being non serious, much to the amusement of others. So this amusement is turnwise... The smiles freezing the moment the professor glares at you! So in the end the verdict : 'This is the dumbest batch I have seen in my whole teaching career! '
In hostel, our seniors tell us that the same was said of their batch also. So it is a tradition, a method of "grooming the future doctors :) 

I have seen strange things happen in D-Hall.. 
Since the practical hours were quite long, it was difficult to maintain a serious facade for long in a room full of overpowering smell of formalin and the bodies. 
So some" daring nitwits ":) tried to lighten up the atmosphere at the table. 
Every one is sitting with open books in front and dissecting instruments in hands on but hardly using them. 
One stares outside the window at the greenery, some building.... Anything to distract... Steal glances at the boys and vice versa :) 
I also remember once I wrote a poem sitting in the D Hall ! 
One of my colleague went ahead of me. She actually ate groundnuts sitting around the table with body on it ! And strange thing was that suddenly the professor was behind her and she had to hide the groundnut shells underneath the dissected skin of the "part" ! 
That was weird of course. But to save her skin, she took "help" from the skin from "other world".. . 
Another unforgettable sight is of a second year boy sitting alone at a table, book opened in his hand and giving a constant smile in air, to nobody in particular :)  :) 
I don't know what made him smile like that. Definitely not the text in the dissection manual :) 

Some funny observations in hostel washroom :

Washroom as such is an interesting meeting place where everyone is caught in a vulnerable state :) 
One is also a witness to funny sights and sounds :) 
Since it was a girls hostel, one good thing was the absence of graffiti or quotes or comments that stem from the most creative minds when sh.t rides high in the minds! 

So the walls were clean except of course some peeling plaster at an odd corner. 
Every morning there were frantic urging voices, gradually turning to shouts and knocks on the toilet doors by the "outsiders" if the "insider" refused to come out of the "reverie"  :) 
I remember some "seasoned fighters " entering the washroom area and  starting to knock  at all the closed doors one by one, in the hope of entering first, the moment a door opened. 
Every one was in hurry... Didn't want to get late for classes. 

Another interesting sight was seen late evenings when one was relaxed a bit. 

When I witnessed it first time, I was amused and thought it odd. 
There was a row of washbasins on the wall. 
And my first thought at the scene in front of me was, "what are these girls doing keeping one foot in the high basin and balancing the body on one leg? " 
Then I recognize the movements of rubbing the soap and scrubbing the feet :) 
So they are chatting and doing this "exercise". 
One foot at a time of course :) 
I found it quite useful and I tried to do it at home but got reprimanded by the mother for looking vulgar :) 

Another interesting thing that was the direct clue that a particular girl was going for a date.... 
All dressed up, hair all done up, a dab of some cream and lipstick on the face ( make up was simple those days as were the dates), and frantically  removing the last visible hair on the arms,  with a razor :) 

Such scenes always brought a smile on my face. 
It was always amusing to watch others as long as the girl
doing the same is not Me, with a racing heart and music in the ears :) 

Be sensitive

As a doctor, one comes across different complaints, some interesting, some quite weird. 
When one talks of one's own problems and has guts to admit the shortcomings, it is quite acceptable. 
But what  is strange is how people find some sort of sadistic pleasure in belittling a spouse (mostly wife) and the kids (mostly teenagers and in 20s). 
2 years ago..... 
In OPD.... 

A man comes with his wife and like most husbands who bring the wives, he dominated the conversation (reverse happens when wives bring their husbands) 
So this man started complaining openly about the wife.. But what struck me as strange was the expression of disgust on his face while describing the complaint. 
"Doctor, she smells so bad in her head ! 
It is so unbearable.... All the time ! 
I can't even sit with her. Even if she washes her hair daily, her scalp is forever emitting that horrible smell "
And he kept on repeating the same thing with animated expression on his face. 
I looked at the wife. Poor thing was sitting quietly, looking down at the floor, as if she had done some unforgivable crime and awaited my verdict. 
I felt so sorry for her. 
She was sitting on a patient stool beside my chair and I definitely didn't want to vomit ! 
On the contrary, she "smelled" normal. 
I mean if one takes into account the normalcy of the "innocent" scalp. 
No there was no excess oil secretion, any other medical problem with the scalp or hair. 
But it was the inner dissatisfaction of the husband, some repulsion towards the wife... 
Any reason to stay away from her and rule over her, to make her have low self esteem, make her feel a "no good". 
She wouldn't meet my eyes, she wouldn't say anything..... she was so intimidated by the husband. 
I felt the husband needed a counseling instead..... 
All those men who can't appreciate their wives...... They need to have a peek under their own beds ! 
The cobwebs of deceit, guilt, low self esteem..... Thick cobwebs. 
And what better way to put the blame on the poor wife that she is worthless because she is unable to clear those cobwebs ! 
No mister, first you need to take care of the "spider" within you, have a clear look at yourself. 
And most importantly -  Can you be honest for once? 
Do you detest the wife or your own smelly mind? 

Ah..... 
Another example.... 
Mothers bringing their children and saying negative things about them (some dominating fathers also join the flock but mostly it is mothers only) 
"Doctor, look at her /his skin ! How ugly she looks ! Such uneven skin ! How bad this and that is... Bla bla  bla.... "

Now what is annoying is the fact to call a child ugly. And that also in front of herself/himself and in front of others even if it is a doctor. 
Just because the kid has had few black heads or pimples (not a permanent thing), doesn't make the kid ugly. 
By criticizing the person we are making him /her more stressed and adding to the disease flare up. 
Just a few zits ! 
What a big deal ! 
Woman, there are better things you should be doing to help your child than making her /him feel like the ugliest child on this earth. 
Why not take a course in parenting? 
Or a visit to the counselor so that you can stop degrading your child?

My advice (unasked for) :
Never criticize anyone in a hateful manner even if it is in front of a doctor. 
Talk about your concerns separately if need be. 
But never ever make any human being feel  worthless..  

Keep your attitude in your pocket

All of us have this nasty thing - Attitude 
And most of the time it lets itself displayed at the wrong time, with the wrong people... 
We may realize it later..... And no power in this whole world can bring that moment back. 
No you can't undo that act of stupid behavior, that act of insensitivity. 
Time is all powerful having its own ways to teach us. 

How many times we felt gratitude towards our parents? 
Why do we think it is their "duty" to fulfill all our demands and expectations? 
And what about our own duty towards them, Sir/Madam/Mister /Master (or whatsoever you would like to call your Highness). 

Do we think it is all right to be rude to them despite knowing how much efforts, pains and sacrifices (of time, money, their own comforts) they have made in raising us? 
Nobody knows unless one wears the same shoes. 
You may realize it when the goddess of wisdom blesses you some day. You may want to turn the clock back.... 
But nothing ever is going to erase the hurt we caused them(parents), because we were idiots, simply immature idiots, thinking ourselves to be the "wisest,  cool dudes or gals ". 

I have my own bagful of such "cool" acts. 

Those days mother was upset over some issue. It had taken away her peace of mind and she wanted to share her thoughts, her deepest feelings with us. I was in early twenties, thinking myself to be mature, wise and cooool (like everyone in that age). I mean I was a "normal "girl more concerned about my own happiness and comfort. 
So one evening..... 
I am sitting at the dining table sipping tea. 
Mother joins me and sits quietly. I know what is gnawing at her heart and I am earnestly wishing for her not to start the same topic of her reason of sadness. 
But she did speak.... or rather tried to speak. But she couldn't finish a line and tears started rolling down her eyes. She was crying. 
And what did I do? 
Did I soothe away her fears? Did I wipe her tears away? 
No! How could "Miss Right" do that? 
I simply got up and left the room ! 
Mother wiped her own tears and quietly again started doing household chores, preparing dinner for the family. 

Now if I could travel on some time machine, I would go to "Miss Right" and give her a tight slap. 
I would shake her from her deep slumber of "living in her own world". 
I would wake her up before it is too late ! 
How could she be so thankless and heartless towards her mother's pain? 
Granted,  that she herself thought it was beyond what she could bear herself, but couldn't she be just human ? 
What joy and peace she missed at that time, that comes from bringing smile on somebody's face. 
I really feel sorry for that girl's ignorance. 

Thankfully with time she did manage to open her eyes a bit and woke up to learn so much in life.....  

Lighter moments

During some lighter moments at work.... In recent years. 

Photo sessions

1980s.... 

In hostel... 

When we got bored and tired of studying, studying and studying, we had our own ways to amuse ourselves. That was the "Pre gadget era", meaning nobody had heard of mobiles, laptops etc. 
So there was lots of ACTUAL interactions. 
And yes, we had our own photography sessions ! At @ midnight ! 
During the day there was no time.. And imagination ran low due to cramming cramming again forgetting, again cramming. So after dinner and during break in studies we used to dress up in different attires, strike poses and click pictures. That used to be great fun ! 

This picture was clicked at 11.30 pm ! I am in the middle. 

 Climbing down the stairs of the hostel, dressed up in our usual garb :) 

We were second year students. 

Exposure to reality of life.. Anatomy

1983.. 

Our first encounter with the "harsh reality of life"  - The D-Hall 
Here we are taught the human anatomy. 
No I am not going in deep  and describe its obvious and not so obvious details. You need to be there to be able to understand how it feels. No words can describe the apprehension, insecurity, some internal fear of failure mixed with what we see before our eyes, the peculiar smell of death and formalin mixed together... 

So all the students are made to stand in a queue. So throughout our first and second year, we will enter the D Hall and leave it in a queue only. It is compulsory to wear white overall. Every where you see white coats and innocent looking faces. Some look quite confident. But inside every one feels miserable. The teachers are like jail wardens... Very strict. They have to be. 
No indiscipline, no making bad faces, no smiling, no giggling and most important - NO TALKING ! 
We should be respecting the bodies.... all these parts lying on the cold marble tables.... they were living bodies just like us. So they are doing a service to us by giving us opportunity to learn in order to heal. 
We were allotted tables and parts... 
And try to dissect and cram cram cram up the muscles, bones, nerves, arteries, veins, tendons, ligaments, internal organs..... 
This all is an alien world to me (others also feel the same) 
I remember when we had our final exams, we were sitting in hostel, four of us and during one of our post dinner relaxing time (10 minutes) each of us took an oath -  We will never enter anatomy department after the exams and none of us will do post graduation in anatomy. :) 
So we tore slips from our registers and wrote down the "oaths" and announced that whosoever breaks this oath, will be a traiter :) and we had a hearty laugh as we felt so light afterwards ! 
I still have those slips with me after all these years. A memory of the days of innocence..... And eyes full of dreams for bright future. 

Beautiful Himalayas

The beauty of the hill town where I spent some memorable years of my life. The serene and majestic Dhauladhar range of Himalayas. 

Fast forward....

Today I will run fast and hop on the jet which takes me straight to 2003.

No, all those years from early 1980s till 2003 have not vanished in thin air ! 
They are very much there full of their own beauty - Beauty of teaching me about life by its various shades. And things hardly happen the way we expect them to happen. Isn't it so? 
I have changed the names or identities of the people for obvious reasons. Don't want to give anyone sleepless nights or headaches :) 

So I am a Dermat, sitting in the OPD, on a pleasant day (all days are pleasant at this place) in this beautiful hill town. I see patients of different types... Local people, and people of various nationalities who come to visit this world famous town in North India. People come with various types of problems. I am not here to discuss their problems. For that I should be writing a health blog (already so much variety in market !) 
I have found so much about human nature, their habits, ignorances, particular beliefs and their whims. It all is so interesting. And sometimes one is rendered speechless for a moment wondering if it is actually happening, if this man/woman really did say that ! 

So I am sitting in OPD and seeing the patients as usual. In comes the next patient. He was smart, well educated, married man having two kids (this knowledge about his marital status was a result of curiosity that had prompted me after seeing his condition and ignorance). 
Now this gentleman is having some itching over his genitals and so we are examining him to find out what might be causing the itch down there. So embarrassing for the gentleman to be scratching in front of others ! But what I saw during his examination was the innocent looking organ with lots of slimy drippings. Every thing seemed normal otherwise. 
I had the immediate suspicion that this may not be any physical disease. So I asked him when he cleaned "it" today during morning bath did he notice the secretions at that time also? 
He looked at me as if I had spoken a foreign language and asked me, " Do we need to clean it ever?" 
I was shocked ! My head was reeling at the sight of the "victim" which was forever covered in its own secretions which were even threatening to drip on the floor of the chamber! 
I asked him if he was married. He proudly told that he was married and had two kids. 
I again asked him the same question, "Do you never clean it?" 
He sounded surprised again and said, " No !" 
That was that. 
I heaved an inward sigh and told the guy about the importance of cleanliness of every part of the body even if it remains hidden all the time.  He was really surprised as this he definitely didn't know and that for the first time anyone had told him that it is important to clean "it". 
"Well", I thought, "This is first time in my medical career that I have come across such a weird concept of " leaving it like that "! :) 

Finally stole some moments to retrace the steps..... 
So the rickshaw started trudging towards bus stand. My little luggage tied behind the seat. A folding bed, mattress, pillow,, some sheets and a trunk full of clothes and toiletries. I am sitting quietly like a mouse, beside my father, a gentle lion. I feel sad.... Leaving the protection of the house. I am in early teens, have lived a protected life so far... Now I must survive on my own in this big world. I feel so insecure... Really. I don't like to go away from home and stay in hostel and study! Sounds depressing already. :) 
So we are in the bus and father notices another father - daughter duo like us, carrying similar luggage. So he says to me that he is sure that they are also traveling to the same destination. And yes ! When we alighted at the bus stand of the city which was to be my "home" for next few years, there were two rickshaws one after the other, going towards the same hostel. 
The hostel seemed quiet and gloomy. The girl alighted from the rickshaw and smiled at me. We were taken to meet the warden and given the same room to share. So we carried our luggage to the room and our fathers left. I felt so alone.... As if today some invisible cord with the home had been cut. And why? Because I was expected to become a doctor. But I didn't like this place. The small rooms, dark corridors, unfamiliar faces..... One could sense the stress of study in the air. 
My elder sister was already in the hostel. She was two years senior to me. But a sister in hostel and a sister at home are two different things. She was supportive but I was so unhappy to stay here. I missed home so much ! Many girls in the class were happy to have the freedom to live independently but I missed the atmosphere of love and a childhood left behind.... 
On the very first evening I saw my roommate sitting on bed opposite me and crying silently. When she saw I noticed this, she smiled at me. I felt I was brave because I was not crying. But then the ever growing feeling of loneliness and unhappiness that gnawed at me forever, made me think it is okay to let go sometimes and what better way to do some "cleaning inside" than the feel of warm tears on the cheeks ! So I figured it was actually useful too. :) 

Retracing the first step in medical college hostel

Summer of early 1980s
I travel by bus with my father towards the hostel.... In another city. I was going to become a doctor. A proud moment for parents. I remember my friend and neighbor waving me good bye while I was sitting in rickshaw with my father, going to bus stand to catch the bus to another city.... 
My father felt sorry for my friend.. She could not get admission in medical college because she didn't study hard ! So he saw her waving to me and said, "follow her" ! He meant she should also join some medical college. (later on I became a Dermat and she opened a beauty parlor. So we were making people discover their beauty :)) 
But I being a very very shy girl, didn't even look at her because I felt "guilty" of getting admission in medical college. :) 

Healer, Heal Thyself...

Hello !
I have often wondered if it is all right for the doctors to " feel normal" and "act normal" keeping aside their image of "serious, tight looks, as if the Divine Wisdom is sending them the latest links to heal a particular disease. :)
We are all Healers.
You and me.
My profession is to heal the people who come to me. But shouldn't we be healing minds too along with the body?
All of us need that... A relaxed mind.
And therein lies the truth of the statement that all of us are Healers.
We can do that.
We can make our lives happy or miserable.
We have to choose between darkness and light and of course an interesting amalgamation of both the colors :)
Why I am saying all this?
Should I not be posting a medical information or advice? For heaven's sake, am I not a doctor?
But I have to say to you, "My dear Sir /Madam ( or whatever you would want to call yourself :) ), I am the Black Sheep of the medical community (like many others all over the world) and I want to speak up my mind (Baa Baa :))
I have to check for myself that I am a human after all ! At the end of the day I lie in my bed. I don't hang on the ceiling or sky, watching over my patients :)
Crazy. Crazy. The whole thing is crazy.
But doesn't craziness make most of the sense?
Life has been so full of interesting observations that I would like to share something of that.
The observations as a third person.
Because it may not feel very nice if we get too much involved in a movie. Movie of this life....
So let us heal our minds by watching the movie of our lives (if we are a movie buff) or read some pages of our lives (if we are a fan of books.
Bits and pieces from here and there....
To enrich our lives...
And heal our minds by smiling, frowning, being funny, make faces, guffaws of laughter and points to ponder,..... All the tactics to free our minds for some time.
Till next time...
Will be back :)