These days a particular expression is in fashion : Growing intolerance in the country 

There are views, counterviews, allegations, mudslinging and verdicts (in expression) 

People are prone to respond to every cough and sneeze of any Tom Dick and Harry. 
It has become a favorite pass time. 
Every one is expert in "intolerance" issue
. 
Hypocrisy is the new status symbol. 

Some trouble mongers bark from a podium and unleash the mob...with poisonous verbal attacks. 

Such has become the state of the country.... 
Every one has become so sensitive, so defensive. 
Where is the sweet flexibility of mutual love and respect? 
We should not let it slip out of our hands. 

Why not talk about the intolerance at homes? Why not become sensitive to it? 

Two instances :

Newly married couple traveling in bus. 
Husband is suspicious of anything, every thing concerning his wife. He forever is looking for excuses to insult her, belittle her. All this to cover his own insecurities. 
So the bus is running on a busy city road. 
Wife is gazing out  through the window. 

H-" Hey listen!"  
W- "Yes?"  
H- "The man sitting two rows behind us is looking at you." 
W- "is it?"  (and again starts gazing outside, at the people, buildings, roadside vendors..) 
H- "He is still staring." 
W -  "Well, I can't see him. It doesn't matter." 
H- "It does matter ! 
( wife cranes her head to see who is "looking" at her as the husband points out the "culprit". Since it is some vague person two rows behind, she is unable to see the man) 
W -  "I don't see anyone staring at me." 
H- (in an angry tone) " This is your fault ! You were encouraging that man by your actions!" 
Poor wife doesn't know who is mad.... This eccentric man sitting beside her or she herself who tries to ignore his comments and keeps on pretending to stay married to him. 

Something to ponder upon... 

Another incident ( of living in dark ages) 

Mother-in-law (MIL), shouting at the unsuspecting daughter-in-law (DIL) :

"Hey ! You touched the pot of milk when you had your periods ! 
Now it has become impure! We can't give it to the baby. What will he drink now? 
Don't you have sense enough to be careful !"
DIL -  "it is not dirty blood ! This is a natural process of the body." 

Furious MIL -  "Don't try to teach me anything !bla bla bla... ."

Poor DIL is wondering what next is to come... 

Again, point to ponder.... 

Shouldn't we be intolerant towards the" atrocities "in our own homes? Or are we happy to be spineless hypocrites? 

Choice is ours...   

Sept 2015 —Lunch break during work ... Clicked by a beautiful soul, a unique friend. 

I have often, quite often wondered whosoever put this weird idea in men's head : हँसी तो फंसी
Means if a girl smiles at you that means she is hooked. 
So as women, we need to be careful with men. 
Many a times one lands into the trouble. 
Just because you smiled. 
You were talking to a boy/man, and you were smiling, giggling and next thing you encounter is the suggestive look or action from the 'hunk' ! 
Why? Why? 
If the nerve connections in his brain are distorted, is it my fault? 
How to know if the apparently friendly dude is not "cooking something spicy" in his mind, thinking you are ready to hop on the "wagon" any time? 
Shall I wear a constant fierce look or a sour expression? 
Shall I cease to treat him as a normal human being and just think of him as a predator ready to pounce upon me? 

Why can't two human beings talk to each other without preconceived notions? 
There is already so much misery in the world these days without our adding our own contribution to it. 

Where has decency gone? 

And another distortion of thoughts (in men) is the thinking that if a girl says No, it means Yes . 
My foot ! 
Do you think the girls are so dumb that they will utter the opposite of what they are thinking? 
Dumb is you, yourself who always views women in the stained mirror of your own dirty mind. For you, she is a thing to play with, as long as she is not your own wife and sister.. 

No I am not biased against men. 
In fact I have met and shared some precious time with  some wonderful men, who have been real gems and gave me so much happiness with their depth, wisdom and humanity. 

The goodness in each of us needs to be used for the better world... 
A kind gesture, a smile, wiping someone's tears, sharing somebody's pain.... 
It lightens the burden each of us carry within us..... 
I really wish this society to be something we all  should be proud of.. 

2009

when city roads were still peaceful...

2009 ..through my cellphone

Rewind..........

 Australia 2010

Sydney,Australia-2010

D-Hall 

One place where everyone feels scared of the lifeless bodies and parts lying on the tables. But this fear is of the failure. 
One feels like a dimwit... 
Professor is asking a question... Something to do about the route, supplies, or any other landmark, function etc. But no answer comes forth... Totally blank mind! Even if you know a fragment of the answer, the words don't take a proper form... One makes a best fool of oneself staring at the floor, getting scolded for being non serious, much to the amusement of others. So this amusement is turnwise... The smiles freezing the moment the professor glares at you! So in the end the verdict : 'This is the dumbest batch I have seen in my whole teaching career! '
In hostel, our seniors tell us that the same was said of their batch also. So it is a tradition, a method of "grooming the future doctors :) 

I have seen strange things happen in D-Hall.. 
Since the practical hours were quite long, it was difficult to maintain a serious facade for long in a room full of overpowering smell of formalin and the bodies. 
So some" daring nitwits ":) tried to lighten up the atmosphere at the table. 
Every one is sitting with open books in front and dissecting instruments in hands on but hardly using them. 
One stares outside the window at the greenery, some building.... Anything to distract... Steal glances at the boys and vice versa :) 
I also remember once I wrote a poem sitting in the D Hall ! 
One of my colleague went ahead of me. She actually ate groundnuts sitting around the table with body on it ! And strange thing was that suddenly the professor was behind her and she had to hide the groundnut shells underneath the dissected skin of the "part" ! 
That was weird of course. But to save her skin, she took "help" from the skin from "other world".. . 
Another unforgettable sight is of a second year boy sitting alone at a table, book opened in his hand and giving a constant smile in air, to nobody in particular :)  :) 
I don't know what made him smile like that. Definitely not the text in the dissection manual :) 

Some funny observations in hostel washroom :

Washroom as such is an interesting meeting place where everyone is caught in a vulnerable state :) 
One is also a witness to funny sights and sounds :) 
Since it was a girls hostel, one good thing was the absence of graffiti or quotes or comments that stem from the most creative minds when sh.t rides high in the minds! 

So the walls were clean except of course some peeling plaster at an odd corner. 
Every morning there were frantic urging voices, gradually turning to shouts and knocks on the toilet doors by the "outsiders" if the "insider" refused to come out of the "reverie"  :) 
I remember some "seasoned fighters " entering the washroom area and  starting to knock  at all the closed doors one by one, in the hope of entering first, the moment a door opened. 
Every one was in hurry... Didn't want to get late for classes. 

Another interesting sight was seen late evenings when one was relaxed a bit. 

When I witnessed it first time, I was amused and thought it odd. 
There was a row of washbasins on the wall. 
And my first thought at the scene in front of me was, "what are these girls doing keeping one foot in the high basin and balancing the body on one leg? " 
Then I recognize the movements of rubbing the soap and scrubbing the feet :) 
So they are chatting and doing this "exercise". 
One foot at a time of course :) 
I found it quite useful and I tried to do it at home but got reprimanded by the mother for looking vulgar :) 

Another interesting thing that was the direct clue that a particular girl was going for a date.... 
All dressed up, hair all done up, a dab of some cream and lipstick on the face ( make up was simple those days as were the dates), and frantically  removing the last visible hair on the arms,  with a razor :) 

Such scenes always brought a smile on my face. 
It was always amusing to watch others as long as the girl
doing the same is not Me, with a racing heart and music in the ears :) 

Be sensitive

As a doctor, one comes across different complaints, some interesting, some quite weird. 
When one talks of one's own problems and has guts to admit the shortcomings, it is quite acceptable. 
But what  is strange is how people find some sort of sadistic pleasure in belittling a spouse (mostly wife) and the kids (mostly teenagers and in 20s). 
2 years ago..... 
In OPD.... 

A man comes with his wife and like most husbands who bring the wives, he dominated the conversation (reverse happens when wives bring their husbands) 
So this man started complaining openly about the wife.. But what struck me as strange was the expression of disgust on his face while describing the complaint. 
"Doctor, she smells so bad in her head ! 
It is so unbearable.... All the time ! 
I can't even sit with her. Even if she washes her hair daily, her scalp is forever emitting that horrible smell "
And he kept on repeating the same thing with animated expression on his face. 
I looked at the wife. Poor thing was sitting quietly, looking down at the floor, as if she had done some unforgivable crime and awaited my verdict. 
I felt so sorry for her. 
She was sitting on a patient stool beside my chair and I definitely didn't want to vomit ! 
On the contrary, she "smelled" normal. 
I mean if one takes into account the normalcy of the "innocent" scalp. 
No there was no excess oil secretion, any other medical problem with the scalp or hair. 
But it was the inner dissatisfaction of the husband, some repulsion towards the wife... 
Any reason to stay away from her and rule over her, to make her have low self esteem, make her feel a "no good". 
She wouldn't meet my eyes, she wouldn't say anything..... she was so intimidated by the husband. 
I felt the husband needed a counseling instead..... 
All those men who can't appreciate their wives...... They need to have a peek under their own beds ! 
The cobwebs of deceit, guilt, low self esteem..... Thick cobwebs. 
And what better way to put the blame on the poor wife that she is worthless because she is unable to clear those cobwebs ! 
No mister, first you need to take care of the "spider" within you, have a clear look at yourself. 
And most importantly -  Can you be honest for once? 
Do you detest the wife or your own smelly mind? 

Ah..... 
Another example.... 
Mothers bringing their children and saying negative things about them (some dominating fathers also join the flock but mostly it is mothers only) 
"Doctor, look at her /his skin ! How ugly she looks ! Such uneven skin ! How bad this and that is... Bla bla  bla.... "

Now what is annoying is the fact to call a child ugly. And that also in front of herself/himself and in front of others even if it is a doctor. 
Just because the kid has had few black heads or pimples (not a permanent thing), doesn't make the kid ugly. 
By criticizing the person we are making him /her more stressed and adding to the disease flare up. 
Just a few zits ! 
What a big deal ! 
Woman, there are better things you should be doing to help your child than making her /him feel like the ugliest child on this earth. 
Why not take a course in parenting? 
Or a visit to the counselor so that you can stop degrading your child?

My advice (unasked for) :
Never criticize anyone in a hateful manner even if it is in front of a doctor. 
Talk about your concerns separately if need be. 
But never ever make any human being feel  worthless..  

Keep your attitude in your pocket

All of us have this nasty thing - Attitude 
And most of the time it lets itself displayed at the wrong time, with the wrong people... 
We may realize it later..... And no power in this whole world can bring that moment back. 
No you can't undo that act of stupid behavior, that act of insensitivity. 
Time is all powerful having its own ways to teach us. 

How many times we felt gratitude towards our parents? 
Why do we think it is their "duty" to fulfill all our demands and expectations? 
And what about our own duty towards them, Sir/Madam/Mister /Master (or whatsoever you would like to call your Highness). 

Do we think it is all right to be rude to them despite knowing how much efforts, pains and sacrifices (of time, money, their own comforts) they have made in raising us? 
Nobody knows unless one wears the same shoes. 
You may realize it when the goddess of wisdom blesses you some day. You may want to turn the clock back.... 
But nothing ever is going to erase the hurt we caused them(parents), because we were idiots, simply immature idiots, thinking ourselves to be the "wisest,  cool dudes or gals ". 

I have my own bagful of such "cool" acts. 

Those days mother was upset over some issue. It had taken away her peace of mind and she wanted to share her thoughts, her deepest feelings with us. I was in early twenties, thinking myself to be mature, wise and cooool (like everyone in that age). I mean I was a "normal "girl more concerned about my own happiness and comfort. 
So one evening..... 
I am sitting at the dining table sipping tea. 
Mother joins me and sits quietly. I know what is gnawing at her heart and I am earnestly wishing for her not to start the same topic of her reason of sadness. 
But she did speak.... or rather tried to speak. But she couldn't finish a line and tears started rolling down her eyes. She was crying. 
And what did I do? 
Did I soothe away her fears? Did I wipe her tears away? 
No! How could "Miss Right" do that? 
I simply got up and left the room ! 
Mother wiped her own tears and quietly again started doing household chores, preparing dinner for the family. 

Now if I could travel on some time machine, I would go to "Miss Right" and give her a tight slap. 
I would shake her from her deep slumber of "living in her own world". 
I would wake her up before it is too late ! 
How could she be so thankless and heartless towards her mother's pain? 
Granted,  that she herself thought it was beyond what she could bear herself, but couldn't she be just human ? 
What joy and peace she missed at that time, that comes from bringing smile on somebody's face. 
I really feel sorry for that girl's ignorance. 

Thankfully with time she did manage to open her eyes a bit and woke up to learn so much in life.....  

Lighter moments

During some lighter moments at work.... In recent years. 

Photo sessions

1980s.... 

In hostel... 

When we got bored and tired of studying, studying and studying, we had our own ways to amuse ourselves. That was the "Pre gadget era", meaning nobody had heard of mobiles, laptops etc. 
So there was lots of ACTUAL interactions. 
And yes, we had our own photography sessions ! At @ midnight ! 
During the day there was no time.. And imagination ran low due to cramming cramming again forgetting, again cramming. So after dinner and during break in studies we used to dress up in different attires, strike poses and click pictures. That used to be great fun ! 

This picture was clicked at 11.30 pm ! I am in the middle. 

 Climbing down the stairs of the hostel, dressed up in our usual garb :) 

We were second year students. 

Exposure to reality of life.. Anatomy

1983.. 

Our first encounter with the "harsh reality of life"  - The D-Hall 
Here we are taught the human anatomy. 
No I am not going in deep  and describe its obvious and not so obvious details. You need to be there to be able to understand how it feels. No words can describe the apprehension, insecurity, some internal fear of failure mixed with what we see before our eyes, the peculiar smell of death and formalin mixed together... 

So all the students are made to stand in a queue. So throughout our first and second year, we will enter the D Hall and leave it in a queue only. It is compulsory to wear white overall. Every where you see white coats and innocent looking faces. Some look quite confident. But inside every one feels miserable. The teachers are like jail wardens... Very strict. They have to be. 
No indiscipline, no making bad faces, no smiling, no giggling and most important - NO TALKING ! 
We should be respecting the bodies.... all these parts lying on the cold marble tables.... they were living bodies just like us. So they are doing a service to us by giving us opportunity to learn in order to heal. 
We were allotted tables and parts... 
And try to dissect and cram cram cram up the muscles, bones, nerves, arteries, veins, tendons, ligaments, internal organs..... 
This all is an alien world to me (others also feel the same) 
I remember when we had our final exams, we were sitting in hostel, four of us and during one of our post dinner relaxing time (10 minutes) each of us took an oath -  We will never enter anatomy department after the exams and none of us will do post graduation in anatomy. :) 
So we tore slips from our registers and wrote down the "oaths" and announced that whosoever breaks this oath, will be a traiter :) and we had a hearty laugh as we felt so light afterwards ! 
I still have those slips with me after all these years. A memory of the days of innocence..... And eyes full of dreams for bright future. 

Beautiful Himalayas

The beauty of the hill town where I spent some memorable years of my life. The serene and majestic Dhauladhar range of Himalayas. 

Fast forward....

Today I will run fast and hop on the jet which takes me straight to 2003.

No, all those years from early 1980s till 2003 have not vanished in thin air ! 
They are very much there full of their own beauty - Beauty of teaching me about life by its various shades. And things hardly happen the way we expect them to happen. Isn't it so? 
I have changed the names or identities of the people for obvious reasons. Don't want to give anyone sleepless nights or headaches :) 

So I am a Dermat, sitting in the OPD, on a pleasant day (all days are pleasant at this place) in this beautiful hill town. I see patients of different types... Local people, and people of various nationalities who come to visit this world famous town in North India. People come with various types of problems. I am not here to discuss their problems. For that I should be writing a health blog (already so much variety in market !) 
I have found so much about human nature, their habits, ignorances, particular beliefs and their whims. It all is so interesting. And sometimes one is rendered speechless for a moment wondering if it is actually happening, if this man/woman really did say that ! 

So I am sitting in OPD and seeing the patients as usual. In comes the next patient. He was smart, well educated, married man having two kids (this knowledge about his marital status was a result of curiosity that had prompted me after seeing his condition and ignorance). 
Now this gentleman is having some itching over his genitals and so we are examining him to find out what might be causing the itch down there. So embarrassing for the gentleman to be scratching in front of others ! But what I saw during his examination was the innocent looking organ with lots of slimy drippings. Every thing seemed normal otherwise. 
I had the immediate suspicion that this may not be any physical disease. So I asked him when he cleaned "it" today during morning bath did he notice the secretions at that time also? 
He looked at me as if I had spoken a foreign language and asked me, " Do we need to clean it ever?" 
I was shocked ! My head was reeling at the sight of the "victim" which was forever covered in its own secretions which were even threatening to drip on the floor of the chamber! 
I asked him if he was married. He proudly told that he was married and had two kids. 
I again asked him the same question, "Do you never clean it?" 
He sounded surprised again and said, " No !" 
That was that. 
I heaved an inward sigh and told the guy about the importance of cleanliness of every part of the body even if it remains hidden all the time.  He was really surprised as this he definitely didn't know and that for the first time anyone had told him that it is important to clean "it". 
"Well", I thought, "This is first time in my medical career that I have come across such a weird concept of " leaving it like that "! :) 

Finally stole some moments to retrace the steps..... 
So the rickshaw started trudging towards bus stand. My little luggage tied behind the seat. A folding bed, mattress, pillow,, some sheets and a trunk full of clothes and toiletries. I am sitting quietly like a mouse, beside my father, a gentle lion. I feel sad.... Leaving the protection of the house. I am in early teens, have lived a protected life so far... Now I must survive on my own in this big world. I feel so insecure... Really. I don't like to go away from home and stay in hostel and study! Sounds depressing already. :) 
So we are in the bus and father notices another father - daughter duo like us, carrying similar luggage. So he says to me that he is sure that they are also traveling to the same destination. And yes ! When we alighted at the bus stand of the city which was to be my "home" for next few years, there were two rickshaws one after the other, going towards the same hostel. 
The hostel seemed quiet and gloomy. The girl alighted from the rickshaw and smiled at me. We were taken to meet the warden and given the same room to share. So we carried our luggage to the room and our fathers left. I felt so alone.... As if today some invisible cord with the home had been cut. And why? Because I was expected to become a doctor. But I didn't like this place. The small rooms, dark corridors, unfamiliar faces..... One could sense the stress of study in the air. 
My elder sister was already in the hostel. She was two years senior to me. But a sister in hostel and a sister at home are two different things. She was supportive but I was so unhappy to stay here. I missed home so much ! Many girls in the class were happy to have the freedom to live independently but I missed the atmosphere of love and a childhood left behind.... 
On the very first evening I saw my roommate sitting on bed opposite me and crying silently. When she saw I noticed this, she smiled at me. I felt I was brave because I was not crying. But then the ever growing feeling of loneliness and unhappiness that gnawed at me forever, made me think it is okay to let go sometimes and what better way to do some "cleaning inside" than the feel of warm tears on the cheeks ! So I figured it was actually useful too. :) 

Retracing the first step in medical college hostel

Summer of early 1980s
I travel by bus with my father towards the hostel.... In another city. I was going to become a doctor. A proud moment for parents. I remember my friend and neighbor waving me good bye while I was sitting in rickshaw with my father, going to bus stand to catch the bus to another city.... 
My father felt sorry for my friend.. She could not get admission in medical college because she didn't study hard ! So he saw her waving to me and said, "follow her" ! He meant she should also join some medical college. (later on I became a Dermat and she opened a beauty parlor. So we were making people discover their beauty :)) 
But I being a very very shy girl, didn't even look at her because I felt "guilty" of getting admission in medical college. :) 

Healer, Heal Thyself...

Hello !
I have often wondered if it is all right for the doctors to " feel normal" and "act normal" keeping aside their image of "serious, tight looks, as if the Divine Wisdom is sending them the latest links to heal a particular disease. :)
We are all Healers.
You and me.
My profession is to heal the people who come to me. But shouldn't we be healing minds too along with the body?
All of us need that... A relaxed mind.
And therein lies the truth of the statement that all of us are Healers.
We can do that.
We can make our lives happy or miserable.
We have to choose between darkness and light and of course an interesting amalgamation of both the colors :)
Why I am saying all this?
Should I not be posting a medical information or advice? For heaven's sake, am I not a doctor?
But I have to say to you, "My dear Sir /Madam ( or whatever you would want to call yourself :) ), I am the Black Sheep of the medical community (like many others all over the world) and I want to speak up my mind (Baa Baa :))
I have to check for myself that I am a human after all ! At the end of the day I lie in my bed. I don't hang on the ceiling or sky, watching over my patients :)
Crazy. Crazy. The whole thing is crazy.
But doesn't craziness make most of the sense?
Life has been so full of interesting observations that I would like to share something of that.
The observations as a third person.
Because it may not feel very nice if we get too much involved in a movie. Movie of this life....
So let us heal our minds by watching the movie of our lives (if we are a movie buff) or read some pages of our lives (if we are a fan of books.
Bits and pieces from here and there....
To enrich our lives...
And heal our minds by smiling, frowning, being funny, make faces, guffaws of laughter and points to ponder,..... All the tactics to free our minds for some time.
Till next time...
Will be back :)